So first the good news, I finished this cute little sweater and it fits perfect. I've started using my Posh Yarn from the sock subscriptionhttp://www.poshyarn.co.uk/ into a cute little scarf. I'm really enjoying making lace patterns again. There is something great about yarns of stockinette stitch (goes fast, easy, can watch tv); but making lace is satisfying in a different way. You have to focus more, but the complexity adds interest.
The bad news is I still feel a bit brokenhearted . So I'm trying to think positively and use positive affirmations. Last week I felt overwhelmed with anxiety and it all seems exhausting. I don't like to be one who complains without a solution. I am trying to do the best I can.
Yesterday's topic was "there is nothing worth clinging to". Another Dharma point was you cannot sacrifice yourself for others. Which actually was the first time I had ever heard this stated so plainly. I thought the point was to focus on the happiness of others, but I guess the point is not over your own. So I think I might have been living my life I bit differently over the past 5 years if I had thought about this. Which leads me to the fact that I don't have a practice community and a teacher.
I heard the concept of "bedside buddhist" and I think I have almost become that. Basically you read the books, but if you are not practicing, I don't think you can really live it. I also think the discourse and dialogue with others is invaluable in learning.
What keeps me from going to a zendo? The same thing that keeps me from doing all of the healthy behaviors, feeling that I lack time. I absolutely love exercise and spirituality, but I don't take the time for myself to do these things. Rather I focus on doing for work. I also waste a lot of time to be honest.
No comments:
Post a Comment